One of my disability claims disappeared from the pending claim list? : Veterans

Hey there guys, so I am not trying to make a pity party or whatever, this is a genuine question. So I got out of the Marine Corps in January of this year. I was a infantryman and was in for 4 years. I was in Kabul for the evac, and saw pretty much everything the news reported. The guys falling off the planes to those getting blown up. Other than Kabul, I was a peacetime Marine. I come back from that deployment, start having panic attacks (never had issues with those before) so I get seen. I get diagnosed with PTSD, then shortly later EAS. I get out, get married to my girlfriend of 3 years, life seems good. I get enrolled with Cognitive Processing Therapy through the VA, and am currently on a 2 month wait list. I have never in my life had suicidal thoughts, but I am having them now and I dont know why. I dont want to die, it is very strange. It is intrusive and comes in waves. I get very tired of dealing with life and the symptoms of the anxiety/ptsd which is totally new to me. I will have these thoughts, get really anxious and sad etc etc. Then it will go away and ill think back like “wow that was very stupid” and go on with my life. It has only been 1 year of me dealing with this crap. Do these problems go away? I love my wife, and i love my family. And I do NOT want to kill myself, but the damned thoughts come and they hit me hard!

Someone please give me some hope, or at least a way to deal with these thoughts. Im tired of it, and it makes me depressed… Thanks for the help

Edit: when I get home from work, ill read everything. Thanks for the help guys, it means alot.